Thursday, December 15, 2016

The Day I Age Out

I am so thankful for people like Bryan Tucker who can use film to tell a powerful story. This story is one we all need to hear and is the motivation behind Oasis.

Bryan Tucker is a freelance producer and documentary filmmaker based in Seattle. His first feature-length documentary film, Closure, secured national cable broadcast distribution, regional broadcast distribution on KCTS 9’s “Reel NW” series and is available on Netflix, iTunes and Amazon VOD. Bryan works with a variety of freelance clients in the Pacific Northwest and beyond, and seeks out projects that elevate marginalized voices and address social justice issues.

"The Day I Age Out" is a three-part series that follows two foster youths as they age out of Washington State's extended foster care system. Here are a few quotes to wet your appetite.

“All the resources that I had, I won’t have those resources anymore. They just kind of shut down.... As soon as I turn 21, it’s all gone.” - Mykell
“All of these emotions inside... I just didn't know what to do. Seventeen years of not having parents and not knowing if I have any parents — and then all of a sudden they just show up out of nowhere. That’s hard.” - Corey 

The Day I Age Out
Part One: Aging Out of Foster Care
Part Two: Fostering Independence
Part Three: Finding Home

Thursday, November 3, 2016

National Adoption Awareness Month

Throughout the month of November, we will be posting a lot of information about adoption on our Facebook page. If you have not "liked" our Facebook page, you can do so here.

According to The Barna Group, 77% of practicing Christians believe Christians have a responsibility to adopt. All it takes is a quick search for the word "orphan" or "fatherless" in your bible and you will find out that this is pretty important. The problem comes in the next statistic also provided by The Barna Group, that only 5% have adopted and only 3% have fostered (these numbers are practicing Christians under the age of 50). That is a pretty big gap; 77% say it is something we should be doing but only 8% have actually done something about it.

There are many different ways to show that one is pro-life. Some people give money to pro-life organizations, some people vote, some volunteer at a crisis pregnancy center, some make videos, and much more. In my opinion, one of the most powerful ways to show that you are pro-life is to adopt a child. Did you know that 26% of all adults have seriously considered adopting a child but only 2% have actually done it. I cannot wait for the day to come when there is a waiting list of families who are wanting to adopt, instead of a waiting list of children waiting for a family.

When I was engaged to my lovely wife, we went through premarital counseling. We met with the Pastor who was officiating our wedding for about 6 sessions or so. One thing I remember from one of our sessions that has stuck with me for the past 19 years is the definition of love that he shared with us. He said this; "Love is seeking the highest good for someone else, even if it costs you something." I believe the most vulnerable person in the world today is the orphan and that is why I believe God had so much to say about caring for them and loving them. Ask yourself this question; "What does it look like for me to seek the highest good for the orphans and fatherless of this world?" Every child deserves love, safety, and a place to call home.

Now before you all get upset and think I am saying that everyone should adopt, I am not. I know that it is not possible for everyone to adopt so please do not put words in my mouth. I do however believe that we all can do something. Here are a few ideas.

1. Become a CASA
2. Join the Foster Care 15 Prayer Team for your state
3. Give $10 a month to help adopting families
4. Plan an Orphan Sunday event
5. Become a foster parent
6. Provided respite care for other foster parents
7. Adopt a child
8. Support adoptive and foster parents with what they need
9. Offer to watch a foster or adoptive families kids so the mom and dad can get a date night
10. Offer to plan a fundraiser for a family you know who is adopting (ie, garage sale, bake sale, etc.)

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Parent Training

We (Stacey and Matt) are currently in the 6th week of our 9 week parent training that we offer for foster and adoptive parents. I have had some questions about what exactly this training is; so here is a little more information about the training that we teach.
The training is called "The Connect Course" and is 9 weeks long. We meet for 2 hours every week with anywhere from 4-7 couples. The training/material is through Empowered to Connect (ETC).

Brief Description

ETC Parent Training equips parents with a holistic understanding of their child’s needs and development while empowering them with the tools and strategies to effectively meet those needs, build trust, and help their child heal and grow. The training is taught from a Christian perspective and focuses on a wide range of topics and issues relevant to adoptive and foster parents, including helping parents understand the impact of their child’s history, what they themselves bring to the parent-child relationship, the fundamentals of attachment, the impact of fear, and the importance of meeting their child’s sensory processing, nutritional and other physiological needs.

This training relies heavily on the Trust Based Relational Intervention (TBRI®) model developed by Dr. Karyn Purvis and her colleagues at the TCU Institute of Child Development. If you are an adoptive or foster parent and have not read "The Connected Child" by Dr. Purvis, it is a must read. 

There are over 130 couples all over the nation who are teaching these trainings throughout the year.

Click HERE to see if there are any trainers near you. If you are interested in attending our next training in the Michiana area, please get in touch with me at 

Will Trust-Based Parenting Work for My Child? from TAPESTRY on Vimeo.

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Update on Oasis

You may have heard or read something about what we call, Oasis. Oasis is our initiative to help youth who are facing this overwhelming challenge of aging out of foster care. Check out the graphic below to see what happens to those who age out. We need to do better.
Stats about aging out youth

An Enlarged Vision
We are enlarging our vision from thinking about a house or apartment complex to something called an Intentional Neighboring Community (INC).
An INC is the coming together of people from all walks of life to live intentionally as caring neighbors, embracing those among us who are most vulnerable, and surrounding each other with a culture of friendliness, kindness, helpfulness, and consideration.
The INC Approach
  • Assistance is community driven
  • Based off the universal need for caring relationships
  • Those facing serious social challenges become assets to the community
  • Capacity for ordinary people of all ages to care about and for one another
What Does This Look Like
Purposefully designed spaces.
  • A community of 10-15 acres
  • No more than 150 people
  • 1/3 of the population is aging out foster youth
  • The rest of the population is made up of mostly seniors, then families, and singles
  • Multiple community spaces on the property
  • Self-sustaining
Sr. housing is completely integrated

INC residents are not viewed as problems to be managed, but as ordinary people with overwhelming life challenges that can best be addressed in the kind of family and community setting that we would want for ourselves. Everyone is a member of the community with strengths, skills and life experiences that add to the success of the neighborhood.

Projected Outcomes

  • Reduce homelessness
  • Reduce incarceration
  • Increase employment
  • Empower seniors
  • More children being fostered
  • Adoption of waiting children from the state of IN
  • Support for adoptive and foster parents
  • Reproduced across the state of IN
If you would like to give to help make Oasis a reality you can do so here or if you have any questions about this please email Matt at 

Wednesday, August 3, 2016


On August 4th, Village to Village Intl. will celebrate 5 years of existence. I can remember back to when this was just a dream in my head. We had just completed our first adoption, and the financial cost for us to do so was on the front of my mind. I had many conversations that went the same way; I would share about our adoption experience, they would congratulate me and end the conversation by saying something like; "That is great that you could do that, but we could never afford to adopt." My first reaction to such statements was that it was an excuse, but I also had to admit the reality that adoption is an expensive process.

Sometimes I am blessed with the curse of not being able to get something off my mind, and this was one of those times. I kept thinking of different ways to remove this financial barrier. I wanted to do something that was not currently being done and I wanted to engage as many people as possible in the process. I can still remember the day it came to me. I was driving in my purple van in the the Andersonville neighborhood of Chicago and I had just dropped my son off to play with a friend. I was in my van and it hit me like a ton of feathers (I know most people say bricks, but a ton is a ton. Plus I want you to be entertained as you are reading). That day was the beginning vision of Village to Village Intl. You can read more about how we started here.

Open Hand
If there is one thing that I have learned these past 5 years is to hold the vision and direction of Village to Village Intl. with an open hand. If I look at what we are doing today and compare that to what I had in mind 5 years ago and asked; "Are those two things the same?" I would have to say; "Yes and no." We are doing some of what I envisioned but we are also doing some things that I never envisioned. This is what is so exciting to me. I never would have imagined Stacey (my wife) and I would be using the Trust Based Relational Intervention material from Empowered to Connect to train foster and adoptive families. We can train 4-6 couples per class and currently have 23 couples who are interested in receiving this training. There is definitely a need for this. 

So as we move forward, we can look back and celebrate the past, but we are always looking forward asking ourselves; "What is not being done to help these kids who are faced with these overwhelming life challenges and can we do something to make a difference?" One of our favorite quotes is from Bob Pierce and it says; "Don't fail to do something just because you can't do everything." 

People have asked me; "Why did you start Village to Village Intl.?" and to me the answer is easy and is summed up right on our logo; "Because they matter."

Monday, July 18, 2016

Positive Fatherhood #3

What is your name of your children? 
Ethan, and I have 3 children; Seth (6), Aiden (3), Keegan (1)

Where do you live?

What is your favorite thing about being a father?
Sharing my life with my boys.

What was/is one of your favorite things to do with your children?
Wrestling on our basement floor.

What has been the most helpful thing for you in being a father?
Besides prayer, other men to speak into my life.

What is one piece of advice you have for other fathers?
Don’t be too stubborn to ask for forgiveness from your children and show that you make mistakes and need forgiveness too.

Do you have a favorite story (something funny, a mistake you made that you learned from, a special memory, etc.) that you would like to share?
In the middle of the night, I was awakened by my toddler who had to use the bathroom. He was a few weeks into potty training and I thought my son got the gist of standing up. Half asleep I stood him up in front of the toilet and let go of him while he was peeing. Losing his balance, he fell hands first into the toilet. We went from a middle of the night bathroom break to a full body hose down. 

Monday, June 20, 2016

Reflections on Father's Day

I am writing this post the day after Father's Day. A day that was filled with words of affirmation, encouragement, and love from my wife and all of my kiddos. One of the things I try to teach my kids is to look at situations from a perspective that is not their own. You know the old idiom, "Put yourself in someone else's shoes." I began to think about the kids I know who are growing up without their father, an absent father, or any family for that matter. As I began to pray for these children and youth, I was reminded of a song by Lecrae called, "Was It Worth It?" This song has truly helped me "Put myself in someone else's shoes." I hope it does the same for you.

"Was It Worth It"
(feat. Derek Minor & Crystal Nicole)

On birthdays and Christmas I used to have you on my wishlist
Held my son the first time, looked him in his eye
And thought to myself, what kind of fool would ever miss this
I ain't ask for you to sleep with mom and make me
Plus I'm your blood, why would you leave, what was so important
They told you smash broads roll up the weed
I guess that buzz got you high enough to float over me
I hope that every dollar that you made, every girl that you slave
When you close your eyes at night, I hope you say it's all worth it
Every graduation, birthday, game that you missed
I hope what you got instead make you feel it's all worth it
Being a, father's expensive and it cost you may ignore
Just know man, your grandson is paying for it
Can't ask myself what would dad do in hard times
'Cus that that man he'll be writing one of these rhymes

All these hearts that you broke, all these lies that you told
All this pain that you own, years all alone
Nights away from home, tell me
I hope it was worth it, was it worth it
Tell me was worth it, tell me was it really worth it

Listen, a lot of rap dudes never had a daddy
That's why we want approval from Nas like he family
But, it ain't just Jermaine, it's Dre to the game
To the Birdman saying that he's the father of Wayne, man
What happened to us better yet what didn't happen
No happy family 'cus daddy left me
Deep in this valley, of the Shadow of Death
I'm felling the breath of repetitiveness on my neck
Ate me alive while daddy was getting high
Trying to chase after something that I'm certain he'll never find
When the whole time, he could have had my young mind
Somewhere along the line I guess he spent up all his time
Sent me this birthday card out of the blind, when I was nine
Inherited a bunch of of pain and some empty memories
Wishing that he picked me up from elementary
I wish he could have seen me on my graduation
Taught me he to raise the son, and told me congratulations