Reflections on Father's Day

I am writing this post the day after Father's Day. A day that was filled with words of affirmation, encouragement, and love from my wife and all of my kiddos. One of the things I try to teach my kids is to look at situations from a perspective that is not their own. You know the old idiom, "Put yourself in someone else's shoes." I began to think about the kids I know who are growing up without their father, an absent father, or any family for that matter. As I began to pray for these children and youth, I was reminded of a song by Lecrae called, "Was It Worth It?" This song has truly helped me "Put myself in someone else's shoes." I hope it does the same for you.

"Was It Worth It"

(feat. Derek Minor & Crystal Nicole)

On birthdays and Christmas I used to have you on my wishlist

Held my son the first time, looked him in his eye

And thought to myself, what kind of fool would ever miss this

I ain't ask for you to sleep with mom and make me

Plus I'm your blood, why would you leave, what was so important

They told you smash broads roll up the weed

I guess that buzz got you high enough to float over me

I hope that every dollar that you made, every girl that you slave

When you close your eyes at night, I hope you say it's all worth it

Every graduation, birthday, game that you missed

I hope what you got instead make you feel it's all worth it

Being a, father's expensive and it cost you may ignore

Just know man, your grandson is paying for it

Can't ask myself what would dad do in hard times

'Cus that that man he'll be writing one of these rhymes

All these hearts that you broke, all these lies that you told

All this pain that you own, years all alone

Nights away from home, tell me

I hope it was worth it, was it worth it

Tell me was worth it, tell me was it really worth it

Listen, a lot of rap dudes never had a daddy

That's why we want approval from Nas like he family

But, it ain't just Jermaine, it's Dre to the game

To the Birdman saying that he's the father of Wayne, man

What happened to us better yet what didn't happen

No happy family 'cus daddy left me

Deep in this valley, of the Shadow of Death

I'm felling the breath of repetitiveness on my neck

Ate me alive while daddy was getting high

Trying to chase after something that I'm certain he'll never find

When the whole time, he could have had my young mind

Somewhere along the line I guess he spent up all his time

Sent me this birthday card out of the blind, when I was nine

Inherited a bunch of of pain and some empty memories

Wishing that he picked me up from elementary

I wish he could have seen me on my graduation

Taught me he to raise the son, and told me congratulations

Foster Care Awareness

Did you know that May is foster care awareness month? Now let's be honest, it seems like every month is an "awareness" month for something, all of which are well deserved of having their own month. As I thought about the purpose of having a whole month dedicated to foster care I focused in on the word "awareness."

Awareness is defined this way; "concern about and well-informed interest in a particular situation or development."

When I read this definition, I asked myself; "Is foster care something to be concerned about?" and "Are people well-informed?" My answers to these questions were; "Absolutely, we need to be concerned about foster care," and "No, I do not think the average person is well-informed." 

This first video does a great job of informing us about the situation of foster care.

These next two videos give you a little idea of what it might be like to be a child in foster care.






Would you please consider sharing this post during the month of May to help bring awareness to this all important issue. Thank you.

2016 Dodgball Tournament Recap

Our dodgeball tournament was a huge success this year! Why was it such a huge success?

Reason #1: We had the most teams that we have ever had.
We had 10 teams show up to try their stake at becoming the 2016 Village to Village dodgeball champions. In the end there could be only one and that team was J2 Marketing.

Congratulations to our champions!

Reason #2: We raised more money this year than any other year.
This year we raised over $4,500!

Reason #3: We had some amazing sponsors.
In total we had 8 sponsors.
1. Nate Stemm with Edward Jones in Elkhart, IN
2. Hose and Go Car Wash in Elkhart, IN
3. Goodwill of Michiana
4. Technical Repair Solutions in Mishawaka, IN
5. Shepard Swim School in Elkhart, IN
6. Encompass Nutrients 
7. Community Chiropractic and Wellness Center (Three locations in IN)
8. First Place Trophy in Elkhart, IN firstplacetrophy@gmail.com

Reason #4: We had a magnificent host.
A special thank you to Elkhart Christian Academy and Mr. and Mrs Newland! We cannot thank you enough for jumping in and helping us with the tournament this year. You definitely went above and beyond and for that we are grateful.

Reason #5: Everyone involved had a blast.
I cannot tell you how many people came up to me and told me how much fun this event was. Not just the people who played, but also the people who were watching.

Congratulations to our 2nd place team - Elkhart Police Department

What was left of our 3rd place team, The Ninja Turtles, at picture time

Positive Fatherhood #2

What is your name of your children? 

Miriam 10, Maggie 7, Evelyn 3, Gavin 1

Where do you live?

Iowa

What is your favorite thing about being a father?

Just being loved by my kids.  When I can be at my best, serve them well and see they way they return that spirit makes me feel like Superman.  It’s wonderful to see them grow, change and develop.  The time and effort (and money!) it takes to invest in them means other selfish things have to be set aside; but the returns are well worth it.  When my youngest daughter asks to sit on my lap, when my 2^nd oldest wants to go to the hardware store with me, or when my oldest earns a new privilege I feel like a million bucks.

What was/is one of your favorite things to do with your children?

Every Sunday night is family night.  We’ll make pizza, let the kids pick a movie and enjoy just being together.  The kids also love legos or puzzles.  When we do small projects like that together it’s great.  No stress, or pressure, just the simple enjoyment of being together.

What has been the most helpful thing for you in being a father?

A good family and church relationship.  Whether it’s other couples in my small group, the community at our local church, or the help of aunts, uncles and grandparents. Having help and support means a lot.  Kids get sick, schedules get messed up, I take on projects that are way bigger than I can finish alone, or I just desperately need to take my wife out for a date and some adult conversation.  When these things happen having support from the community of Christ makes all the difference in the world.

What is one piece of advice you have for other fathers?

1) Let your yes be yes and your no be no. and 2) Pick your battles and always win.
Per scripture I don’t want to exasperate my kids.  I want to be kind and consistent with what is expected of them, what we can do and what we can’t.  As such, if I’m parenting the way I should I communicate with them, follow up with my commitments and be consistent.  This gives them boundaries and will build the trust that Dad is fair and he can be counted on.  To that end, kids need to be kids and I shouldn’t demand that they be perfect.  It’s ok to let small, unimportant things go.  Not every battle needs to be fought.  However, there are times when kids need firm discipline and instruction.  When No means no and obedience should be expected.  These are the times that it is imperative to stand firm.

Do you have a favorite story (something funny, a mistake you made that you learned from, a special memory, etc.) that you would like to share?

Since I don’t make mistakes, I have limited things to share here but will do my best.

Several years back Miriam was taking horse lessons.  One day, the horse decided to shake its mane rather briskly.  Miriam was unaware and unsuspecting of this, as it caught her by surprise she was tossed off the horse and landed face down in the dirt.  I was watching from the side and saw the whole thing happen.  I rushed up to her and saw right away that she was ok but didn’t want the slightest thought of discouragement to enter her mind.  So I said “Hey Miriam, way to go!  You’re a real cowgirl now!”  The other instructors praised her as well for her first fall.  Miriam sniffled a couple times but then, without hesitation, climbed right back on the horse and finished her lesson.  I don’t know that I’ve ever been more proud.  Miriam had every reason to quit, but she literally got back on the horse.

Bonus:  Little kids need nutritious food and naps.  You can save time by having your kids do both at the same time!

We Say Goodbye To An Amazing Lady

This week we lost an amazing lady who gave her life to help children and families. Dr. Karyn Purvis passed away on Tuesday, April 12. I (Matt) will be forever grateful for her and her work of helping kids from hard places. The material that she developed and has shared with so many has been the conduit to so many children being able to experience deep levels of healing. We are committed to spreading this hope giving message and we will continue to do so through hosting the simulcast and teaching our 9 week parenting class. Our prayers are with the family of Dr. Purvis and her team at TCU. Thanks for investing in the lives of children.

In an attempt to give you a little picture of the impact this material has on families, we thought we would share with you some direct quotes from our simulcast we hosted last weekend. Enjoy.

"This was such a helpful weekend of information and learning."

"I am so thankful to take home the various resources to not only integrate with your future adopted child, but also to our biological children right now."

"This was our first time attending ETC and we loved it! Such great info. Hope to come next year."

"It was eye opening to hear Dr. Howard say...'The consequences of neglect are far more serious then that of abuse. By giving these kids a voice we are telling them they matter and have value.'"

"Our takeaway was, behavior emerge from needs."

"I feel more equipped and encouraged to address parenting that often is intimidating and seems unmanageable."

"I have received some tools I am very excited to put into practice."

"I am hopeful that the things I have learned will bring healing and growth to our family."

"You have to regulate yourself first before you can help regulate your kiddos."

"Where was this 19 years ago?"

"This has really helped me understand behavioral and emotional needs."

"This has been so good!"

"We now know for sure what has happened to our biological son while raising him along with our adopted children, thank you!"

Positive Fatherhood #1

What is your name of your children? 

Terry has 6 kids and 2 grandkids.

Felicia who is married to Mike, Zachary who is married to Morgan, Chase who is married to Alexa, Logan, Jacob, and Anna.

Where do you live?

Terry lives in Indiana

What is your favorite thing about being a father?

Pouring into the kids life's and watching them grow into adults 

What was/is one of your favorite things to do with your children?

Sitting around the table for our evening meal together. Praying, eating, and sharing about our days. This might sound boring but I remember doing this growing up with my parents and siblings. It's amazing what that time each day does to keep a family close to each other in a busy world. 

What is one piece of advice you have for other fathers?

Work harder at being a father than at your job. Don't come home from work and isolate yourself in front of the TV. Be an "involved" husband and father.

Do you have a favorite story (something funny, a mistake you made that you learned from, a special memory, etc.) that you would like to share?

A funny story.... Our youngest Anna was born in Ethiopia and loves to dance and sing. We found this used karaoke machine that we gave to her at Christmas this past year. My wife and her were singing a popular pop song and I joined in singing. She stops and looks at me and says "Dad you should stick to being in the audience with that voice!" Ouch!

An Important Voice

There are many voices represented with adoption and foster care. As an adoptive father myself, it is easy to only listen to certain voices. I believe this is common in many areas of our lives. We have to be purposeful to listen to voices that may be different than ours, that maybe represent a group of people in which we do not belong, that maybe see things from a perspective that we have never seen before, that may even make us a little uncomfortable. When we choose to listen to the voices that are different than ours, it shows that our ultimate goal is understanding. We are seeking to understand something from another perspective other than our own.

This is why I believe that Angela Tucker's voice is so important! We all need to hear from her and other adoptees. Her experience is something we all can learn from.

Her questions
Her curiosity
Her bravery
Her courage
Take a listen it is only 34 minutes.

You can also learn more about her story in her documentary entitled "Closure." It can be seen on Netflix and Amazon.