Why Did You Adopt Me If You Can't Help Me???

The tires of my purple van would have screeched on the pavement had I arrived early enough to secure one of those coveted spots.  But today there was no sound of burning rubber because I arrived late and the only spot left was far out in the grass.  Across the parking lot, keys jingling and purse thumping my hip, cursing Google Maps that had given me faulty directions, I ran.  The auditorium was full and although a friend had saved me a seat near the front, my insecurities resigned me to the balcony.  So I slithered in trying to avoid drawing attention, my mind like a shaken snow globe trying to settle.

She stood on the platform, Dr. Karin Purvis, with her humble manner and relaxed posture.  Her passion, seeing children from hurt places experience healing.  My paper was out and notes were being scribbled as she spoke.  Why do I care what she has to say?  Because I've seen it.  I've seen the hollow look and awoke to the screams at night.  I've seen the anger bottled up and heard the cry that comes from the toes.  I've heard the questions that I can't answer about unknowns of the past and I've seen the shadow that haunts periodically.  The auditorium was full of adoptive parents and social workers that have seen it too.

"Why did you adopt me if you can't help me?"  asked one older child to his bewildered mother.  She shared the question with us and it seemed to take the breath out of all in the auditorium.  Another mother of nine shared that she began adopting because she wanted her children to feel safe and offer them a home, but after years she realized it wasn't enough.  Their hearts were broken and needed healing and this brokeness was effecting them physically.  Actually causing the brain to send mixed messages that was confusing everyone.  Like many before her and after her, she tried to parent in the same ways that had been passed down through the generations and was spinning in circles as her children were lost in grief and confusion. 

The Empowered to Connect Conference blew through Chicago in two days but left a lasting mark on me and my fellow note-takers.  If you have adopted, are adopting, or have thought of adopting please consider reading Dr. Purvis' book, The Connected Child.  Because there may come a day when the bubble of "that won't be my child" will pop and you'll be able to dust off a great resource from someone who's been there.

http://empoweredtoconnect.org/?contributors=dr-karyn-purvis

With coffee in hand and time on your side, consider watching this video of Dr. Purvis.  It is an investment that your children will thank you for.

A Small Hole, A Huge Risk

This is not a child from New Day, but this gives you an idea about what a cleft lip is.

"Will you take him?  He will die if he stays here because we don't have time to feed him?"  This call came in to New Day Foster Home concerning a little boy with a small hole in his lip and palate.

When this story was shared with me by one of the New Day staff, I was shocked.  Holes in hearts are big deals.  Holes in spines are life threatening.  But I hadn't realized the seriousness of an orphan with a hole in their lip and/or palate.  On our last trip to New Day, I met a few children that were born with a cleft lip and palate and had learned how to feed them.  But what I didn't know was that these children are at risk of starvation because there are not enough hands to feed them in some orphanages.  This is not putting down the nannies that care for these kids in any way, they are stretched so thin.  But my eyes were opened to the risk these sweet kiddos face.

His name is Wayne, and his smile was beautifully marked by a fresh scar when I first held him earlier this month.  Wayne was the baby that the phone call was about.  The hole in Wayne's lip and palate prevented him from sucking from a conventional bottle. His feeding required a different technique that took individual attention from one of the care-givers.  In the first orphanage there simply were not enough hands to hold each baby and feed them one-on-one.  Thankfully, New Day became a temporary home to Wayne and once he arrived he was able to have surgery to correct his cleft lip.  As soon as his lip is healed he will receive surgery to repair his cleft palate.  His smile is contagious and I'm thankful that New Day answered that call with a "Yes."  Read more about Wayne here.

There are many other precious children waiting for corrective surgery.  If you would like to help other children like Wayne please consider making a donation to our New Day Surgery Fund.



   

Good News for Philip!

Last night we received this email from New Day Foster Home in Beijing, China!

Dear Friends,

 

I just wanted to write you with the wonderful news that Philip has been adopted!  He has left the foster home on Mar 10 to join his new family.  We are so thankful that little Philip's wait for a family is finally over, and we are especially appreciative of your support and prayers for him while he waited. 

Thank you for all you've done in Philip's life!

Blessings,

Kevin Zhu

Sponsorship Coordinator

New Day Foster Home

 

This sweet little boy was waiting in 2011 when we first met him.  Now he has a family!!!!!  What great news!  Thanks for supporting Philip while he waited!

 

Way To Go, Philip!

Doctors had little hope for Philip when he was born.  The medical complications seemed insurmountable back then.  But today, Philip is growing, learning and now walking with the help of his new brace.  New Day Foster Home in Beijing, China, is the home for many children like Philip.  Children with motivation and determination, however, most facing medical hurdles.  Thank you for giving to Village to Village Intl. to help purchase Philip's brace.  From "vegetable" state to walking on his own is a miracle.  Thank you, New Day Foster Home, for providing a safe environment for Philip where he could reach his full potential!

Philip is almost 7 years old now and loves his foster family.  He likes to paint pictures and explain what he's painted.

Village to Village Intl. is anxious to return to New Day Foster Home in Beijing, this April.  Six of us will be delivering the formula you have helped purchase.  Thank you for caring for these children.  We love you Philip!

 The soul is healed by being with children.  

-Fyodor Dostoevsky

Teaching the Next Generation to Care

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 At a Village to Village Intl. fundraiser in Detroit I met Corinne.  Corinne connected with the purpose and mission of Village to Village Intl. and passed this passion on to her students.  Corinne contacted me shortly after the fundraiser and wanted to bless the children that had recently been brought into a family by involving her students.  Below is Corinne’s story:

I am a teacher at Northpointe Christian School in Grand Rapids, MI.  This past week, a group of about 25 high school students completed a number of outreach projects. Most days we were off campus serving at various locations around the city. On Friday, the students took the time to make baby blankets for the children who have found homes with families who have been a part of Village to Village Intl. We began by reviewing and discussing the purpose of Village to Village. The students were very interested in learning about the organization and asked amazing questions. From there, we were able to view each child and family's biography page. Being able to see the child they were making the blanket for was so helpful in gaining the students' involvement and passion for this project.

Our theme for the week was "A Servant's Heart." Throughout the week, I was very impressed with how thoroughly and carefully the students worked on their different projects at hand. The blankets proved to be no different. Each blanket was made by three to four students. They did everything from the cutting and pinning of the ribbons to sowing the fabrics together. Afterwards, they took some time to write cards for the child to go along with the blanket. Each group also produced a brief response to this experience. Here is what one group wrote: "This week we have been working on having a 'servant's heart.' One of our projects was to make a baby blanket for Shaun. We really enjoyed making this blanket for this little guy. Jeremiah 29:11 says, 'For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' Jesus has a plan for every child in the world, like He had a plan for Shaun." Written by Naomi, Emily, Sam, and Anthony.

This week Village to Village Intl. families will receive these blankets for their children.  Thank you Northpointe Christian School Students for your thoughtfulness!  Thank you, Corinne, for teaching the next generation to care.

We are listening

I Believe There Should Be No Orphans

By Agnes Tucker

Once upon a time, three years ago before I was adopted, I lived 11 years as an orphan. That life wasn't as pretty as the life I have now. Although I miss my country and the other children I grew up with, I prefer this life. I lived with 600 other orphans who are still hoping to have the life I have now. People here have more than they need I have noticed, but yet they still cry that they are poor. To be considered that they are poor, it should be that they don't have water; they should be starving, have no clothes, no car or any means of communications.
 
In civics and economics, I learned about scarcity were people have unlimited wants and limited resources. Well this is definitely the case when you are an orphan. But whether you believe it or not, none of you, not even the beggars on the street in America, have faced the real life of an orphan. Because you have parents and do not have any of the things mentioned in the first paragraph. Being an orphan means you don't get to see the outside world. The only thing you do is look outside through the same window everyday expecting someone to come for you. And when they don't, sometimes you break into tears or accept what just happened as if you are tough.

I had been looking through my window for 11 years. And finally my time came. But before it came, I wondered if it did come, what will happen to the other orphans who are my family, friends and everything to me? Tears rolled down on my cheeks anytime I thought about the time they will age out of the orphanage. They only have one year left now for them to age out. They will be thrown into those dark, dirty streets. What will happen to them out there? Many things can happen to them.
Those streets are scary, I have seen them before. They are dirty because diseases travel through that air like blood travels through our bodies. People are raped and hurt on those streets. They have to hunt for food and they will be lucky if they find a piece of bread. Children die out there because of the dirty environment they are in. Imagine being on the streets, you wear the same clothes until they tear apart but still you wear them. Imagine sleeping outside on concrete, no blanket and no showers and no shoes. All these things make me cry and the sad thing is it's true, real and happening right now.

That's why I believe that there should be no orphans, because we've all got what it takes to save the life of an orphan. We got more than what we need, and it won't hurt us to share what we've got. If we do this all together, I promise there will be no orphans left.

Thanks for speaking out, Agnus!  We are listening...

Hurdling the Four Letter Word

I would stand on the edge of the high dive clenching my life jacket, unable to move.  My swim teacher, in her red one-piece was treading water below, pleading with me to trust her and jump.  Gentle chants of encouragement would come from my mom sitting in the bleachers.  But it was all useless, the fear had paralyzed me.  Eventually, my swim teacher would climb the ladder and walk across the wobbly board to my stiff little body.  She would escort me back to the ladder so I could shiver my way down.  I could sense her disappointment.  But who could blame her, who wants to come out of the water on a chilly June morning in Iowa to rescue the terrified student week after week.

Fear.  It makes me do weird things.  It's paralyzing.

While I've pushed through many hurdles of fear there are always new ones popping up.  Down goes the hurdle of the high dive.  Down goes the hurdle of trying out for the team.  Down goes the hurdle of trusting a man.  Down goes the hurdle of traffic in a big city.  Down goes the hurdle of foreign travel.  Down goes the hurdle of culture shock.  Down goes the hurdle of adoption.  Down goes the hurdle of the "special needs" child.  Down goes the hurdle of...

But, up pops the hurdle of gray hair.  Up pops the hurdle of finances.  Up pops the hurdle of being misunderstood.  Up pops the hurdle of being labeled.  Up pops the hurdle of parenting.  Up pops the hurdle of my limitations.  And up pops the hurdle of opening my home to a waiting older child...

Admittedly, I search the faces of children in the US and abroad that are waiting for a family.  Many of them over the age of nine, their chances of exiting the foster care system and entering the streets has increased.  In some countries "older" means only five or six years old.  I have "older" children in my home.  Four of them to be exact, and they all still need a lot of parenting, a lot of love, and the security of a family.  Especially, the one that will reach the coveted "teenage" label in a few months.  These are emotional, insecure years.  Maybe someday I will open my home to one of these waiting children, but right now that four letter "F" word stands in the way.

Fear.

It's funny how I recognize fear when it stands in the way of something I want to do.  Like jumping off the high dive.  Why did I climb that ladder week after week only to climb down wet and discouraged?  Because deep down I wanted to jump.  Deep down I want to love these waiting kids.  I want to give them what they want.  A family.  As I hear them speak my hurdle of fear starts to wobble and teeter.

Hear their voices...